Moving Beyond More Than 20 Years of Insecurity

Liên, 30, is an attractive woman with a comfortable life. Loved and indulged by her parents since childhood, she had the life many young people dream of. Relatives gave her constant attention, and friends admired her. Yet despite everything she had, she felt constantly watched and compared with others, and those looks and comparisons made her deeply insecure. She would often cry without knowing why. 

Liên told ME&WE she did not understand herself: if she was so fortunate, why could she not feel the happiness everyone said she should? She felt strange for crying without knowing the reason. Over time, she became ashamed of being unable to hold back tears in public. She withdrew, socialised less and almost stopped keeping in touch with friends.

Liên explained to her coach that her way of building confidence was to keep learning, especially by befriending people she considered more capable. Yet her insecurity and shyness grew rather than diminished. Her coach helped her see that this approach had benefits, but also a negative effect: being surrounded by people she regarded as better than herself, without the skills to assess herself fairly and while comparing and judging herself, made matters worse.

The coach helped Liên develop the skills to feel confident in her own abilities and stop fearing comparison. She found an explanation for her tears, connected with past events. Although she chose not to erase those emotions, she became better able to manage her tears. She still cried, but felt comfortable with it and no longer embarrassed.