Changing Core Values to Build Understanding

Thea, a skilled teacher from Laos, placed great importance on ethics and family. His immediate and extended families mattered equally. Recently he had felt cracks appearing in family relationships, particularly with his mother-in-law, with whom he could no longer speak warmly. He had always believed relatives should care for one another and, above all, understand one another. 

Beliefs formed in adolescence and reinforced by his work led Thea to think everything must be clearly right or wrong. As a successful teacher, he also had deep, unquestioning confidence in his judgements. This left little room for empathy or attempts to see another perspective. His definition of family was strict, so he felt uncomfortable whenever someone acted against his idea of a happy family. 

Through coaching, Thea realised nothing is entirely right or wrong. Family members need not understand one another completely; what matters is sharing a common destination and building a family together. People can have distinct views even when related by blood. Different perspectives do not imply different aspirations. Thea gained insight into others’ perspectives, especially his mother-in-law’s. He became less demanding of family members and felt much more at ease.